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Everything was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt [entries|friends|calendar]

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[21 Sep 2007|12:00am]
My heart has stopped i feel as though im in an never ending pit
i just lay in my bed and wish that i could be my tears,
i wish that i could lay on the floor and just melt into the cracks in the wood
that i could just be gone for a moment
that this pain would end
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[05 Sep 2007|10:03pm]
I dont want to be here anymore, not here In northcarolina just not here in general. I want to be wipred out of existence forgotten I dont want anyone to know me I dont want anyone to wonder what happend to me i just want to be gone. I want to never have existed. No trace of me. I hate my mother
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[19 Aug 2007|05:54pm]
i dont think jarrett and i are working out anymore. i love him and i dont want to be without him but its just not working out =[
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[08 Aug 2007|02:38pm]
i love my dad, I hate how hes so lonely all the time, more so then i am, and theres only room for one lonely person in this house
this was not the experience i was hoping for but its better then nothing
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[23 Jul 2007|05:59pm]
homesick but for what i amm not sure
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[21 Jul 2007|08:05pm]
Im sitting in ambers room watching everyone working on their paper rama projects and trying to cross my legs discreatly withough showing the HUGE hole in my crotch of my jeans<3
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[20 Jul 2007|04:04pm]
i wish people in glen cove tried to keep our friendship going as much as i try to. i miss them so much obviously i found them better friends then i think they thoguht i was. oh well il continue to try to keep intouch but im not going to worry abut it if they dont keep intouch with me. i bearly talk to sam and daryl and shuana and christian anymore and i keep leaving them messages...ugh oh well I have jarrett hes all i have right now it seems like
and nells coming to visit so thats good I know i dont have the friends i thought i did...but its a new chapter thats pretty cool

ugh if only my friends would return my calls though that would be pretty awsome hint hint
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[28 Jun 2007|11:05am]
i really think alot of people should kill themselves becuase they are fucking just dumb. Like I dont really care if people dont like me because some personalities are just not compatible. And I mean you can still be friendly to the person but when people dont like you for no reason thats when they are the fucked up ones. whatever not my problem its thiers
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[08 Jun 2007|05:05pm]
Im single again. I didnt want this to end. He truely was the best thing that ever happend to me. But at the rate we were going we were tairing each other apart.
Il servive I always find away to
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[06 Jun 2007|02:05am]
my dads cheating and seeing that woman (little side note my mom is wayyy cooler then that women she lives alone and has michanical birds ummm hello umm whats so sexy about that!)is taking its toll
my mom crys herself to sleep every night
Sometimes my dad will just turn off his phone and we wont hear from him for days
My moms so in love with him it hurts me to see her hurt
she stays in bed all day crying and not eating and then starts cooking at 11 at night and makes us dinner.
She dosnt have a job.
My dad isnt helping out.
things seem bleak.
I cant take money from my mom when she gives it to me anymore just because i feel so incredibly guilty and I wonder how much longer will she be able to give me this money.
Jarrett seems to be my escape right now.
but even his bipolor moodswings takes their tole on me.
It seems as though everything is crashing down around me.
I wish they would just crash down harder.
because the sooner it all crumbles the sooner I can rebuild.
love always
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[02 Jun 2007|11:47am]
haha wow people are rediculouse
and Im kind of going nuts
But whatever things will get better better better thats all that can happen
my dads playing games with my mom and its really getting to me
i just want a normal family with cousins grandparents and stuff oh well cant win them all
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[01 Jun 2007|10:04pm]
lonelyness has engulfed me =[
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[25 May 2007|07:12pm]
I wish i had a cure for this lonely feeling in the pit of my stomach and this choking feeling in the back of my throught. I dont want to feel this way forever
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[21 May 2007|05:03pm]
im so irresponsible and ditzy its rediculous i should be able to do simple things that dont even cross my mind to do. I hate myself sometimes. well not hate but just think "goodness emilie your 18 why dont these things click" ugh 9 more days of real school woohooo then RISD then weekend with Jarrett if all goes well and then possibly Nell Shauna and Rob coming down on the train with me oh i hope everything goes well.
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[20 May 2007|11:37am]
a bit confussed
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[18 May 2007|05:02pm]
i kind of think were moving too fast but i feel dumb saying it because everytime i say it it doesnt really happen not because of him but because of both of us its weird but not a bad wierd but a weird kind of weird i want to focus on the non sexual parts but its starting to get harder and harder. but i think if I say something hes going to find someone else who wont its just something im panicking about more then him. Its not a big deal just something thats been crossing my mind.
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[08 May 2007|06:05pm]
jarretts coming down tomarrow<3
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[04 May 2007|10:27pm]
Im tired of my mom crying herself to sleep everynight
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[04 May 2007|10:17pm]
Jays moving to chapel hill =D
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[02 May 2007|11:25pm]
pretty much i just deleted everyone on my myspace,
everyone seems to hate me anyway.
there probibly going to take it as me being stuck up
Im just tired of drama and popularity, I only kept like 1/3 of the friends i had.
Hate me if you want
Im tired of smiling when people spit in my face
Im moving on from petty drama,
Im getting a life.
This goes out to no one imparticular,
Im just tired of feeling like crud all the time.
everyone seems to think im a horrible person at the moment anyway.
why not just give them one more reason to dislike me
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